By A.M. Kirsch, local writer & author of The Transformation of Jennie Heckenlaible
After an epiphany at work on February 19, 2015, I spent a year reading everything I could find about being trans and how to “fix” my gender problem. Fortunately, many supportive gender travellers on Reddit and other forums offered helpful advice on how a middle-aged woman could become comfortable in her own body again. Along with the changes in my body, my brain began to love reading queer memoirs and sapphic young adult (YA) stories. When I wasn’t working or reading, I wrote a blog chronicling my past and expressing my newfound activist spirit.
Fast-forward to 2023, and I’d written a memoir about my transition that didn’t have the same spark I recognized in other queer memoirs and stories. The solution was to write what I loved, and one of the first books I loved was Nancy Garden’s Annie on My Mind. It was one of the first queer YA love stories with a happy ending, published in 1982. Then I remembered that Jeanette Winterson released her semi-autobiographical Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit in 1985 and her memoir Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal? twenty-six years later. Those two books were about growing up queer in a religious, conservative culture.
That same year, 2023, the United States saw a record-setting surge in anti-transgender and anti-LGBTQ+ legislation, including 615 anti-trans bills in 49 states, with 87 passed into law. Lawmakers targeted gender-affirming care for youth and young adults, bathroom and locker room use, participation in school sports, and sought to prevent kids from learning about gender identity in schools. Some of this spilled over into Canada, where parental consent rules were introduced or discussed in New Brunswick, Saskatchewan, and Alberta. Some governments invoked the Canadian Charter's notwithstanding clause to shield their laws from constitutional challenges. Canadian kids became targets of right-wing politicians, the media, and anti-SOGI groups.
A light bulb went off in my head. As I rewrote my story, I moved my adult transition to high school, populated by my high school friends, my girlfriend, and the teenage versions of my partner, friends, and work colleagues who supported my transition. I moved the story to Colorado because my birth certificate was stuck in limbo due to conservative politicians. Being Canadian, I didn’t need it, but trans people in Colorado couldn’t change the gender on their birth certificates without surgery or change their names without advertising their old names (deadnames) in a newspaper. The activist in me needed to highlight that youth rights are often at the mercy of narrow-minded adults and that allies can make a difference, as they did when the anti-trans conservatives were voted out of office in the next state election.
My transition from 2015 to 2019 became Jennie’s transition, with the same social and political events in the background. There weren’t many out trans celebrities in 2015 to lead the way; a new U.S. president inspired the largest Women’s March ever; and an election moved Colorado past its earlier moniker, “the Hate State.”
The assault on trans rights has only grown since then, with warnings on travelling while trans to more than thirteen countries, and anti-trans laws on the books in twenty-nine U.S. states. Simply using the right washroom in nine states and one territory can lead to arrest. To combat these realities, we need positive representation in the media, and books are part of the media landscape we turn to for solace and encouragement. I want young closeted, queer, and trans kids to have the same experience I did reading a story like Annie on My Mind. I saw two young girls face fear and discrimination and find a way to follow their hearts—it encouraged me to transition despite my fears and to build a stronger relationship with my partner.
I wrote The Transformation of Jennie Heckenlaible in the same spirit that Nancy Garden did forty-four years ago—queer kids can have happy endings if we write them.
A.M. Kirsch (they/them) is a trans writer and avid reader of queer stories, based in Vancouver, Canada. Their other passions include 2SLGBTQIA+ advocacy, volunteering, swimming, and cycling. They studied creative writing as an undergraduate and then wrote as a scientist. In 2019, A.M. wrote a fictionalized novella about their father’s death, Murder of an Uncommon Man. In 2022, they worked with the narrator Lia DiFonzo to create the accompanying audiobook. Their first article on transitioning, “Small Town Girl,” appeared in Pride Magazine, published by the Vancouver Pride Society. After the CBC interviewed them about transitioning, they discovered that they’re an "enby girl" with they/them pronouns. As a trans educator and activist, they look forward to sharing stories with a wide audience of readers and continuing to be a visible advocate for their queer community.
Find them on Substack @amkirsch, Bluesky @amkirsch.com, Instagram @am_kirsch, Facebook @am.kirsch.author, and at https://www.amkirsch.com/